Sunday Challenge 2 Lyse's Challenge
by Fruity Robins
Summary: Every Sunday, one member of the Fruity Robins issues a fanfic challenge. This is challenge 2 by Lyse: Write a fic about how Tohru buys her feminine supplies wink wink BUT! Yuki and Kyou has to be around!
1. Extrasupraagaromenorrheaosis by RJunkie

Extrasupraagaromenorrheaosis

Disclaimer:

I don't own Yummy Yuki Kun or any other Fruits Basket character.

Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki 

There are many medical terminologies to explain disorders of the female menstrual cycle:

Dysmennorrhea: Painful menstruation.

Amennorrhea: Absence of menstruation.

Menorrhagia: Excessive blood loss during menses.

Today, there was a new and comprehensive addition to the above list;

Extrasupraagaromenorrheaosis: When the outcome of a female's menses is mass humiliation, damage to private property and outbreaks of violence leading to a criminal record and no longer being instituted as a productive member of society.

It was compounded by Dr. Hatori Sohma, and has earned him mass recognition as a true champion of women. As one who understands the true horrors surrounding the menstrual cycle.

How did he come up with such an all-embracing term you ask? Well, here is the story:

It was a day like any other day. Tohru Honda, Yuki Sohma and Kyo Sohma were out grocery shopping. Actually, Tohru was out shopping. Yuki, being the unparalleled and gorgeous gentleman that he is, offered to accompany her so he could carry the groceries for her on the way back, while Kyo simply didn't want to be left behind.

Tohru smiled brilliantly at her two companions. _Okasaan,_ she thought, _it's such a beautiful day! And Yuki Kun and Kyo Kun are here to share it with me! I'm so happy!_

She skipped a bit, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! Happy happy joy joy...

Then froze.

_Uh oh! Okasaan! I think I need new supplies!_

Skipping wasn't a good idea when she had her monthly visitor. 

It was a good thing that they were going to the Supermarket, since she could buy some supplies there. It was hard, trying to hide such things from the wonderful Sohmas. Things like her feminine supplies, underwear, Happy pills...she always had to be discreet and hide them.

But that was ok, because she got to live with the Beautiful and kind Sohmas in exchange! Ok well, Yuki was beautiful, Shigure kind and Kyo was a...a Sohma!

The boys caught up to her and asked her if anything was the matter, since her gait now was very different from before. Tohru was shuffling along slowly, her legs together as to minimize any and all muscle movement.

"Honda San, is anything wrong?" Yuki asked, concerned for her well being.

"Oh no! NO! Yuki Kun, I'm just-just...exercising! Yes, exercising! I heard that this was really good exercise! Why don't we all do it together?"

"You mean walk like you're walking? Do you realize how stupid you...OUCH! What did you do that for, Kuso Nezumi?!"

"Never mind him Honda San, we'll gladly...um..exercise with you." Yuki smiled at her, then turned to give Kyo a look that promised death.

And so all 3 shuffled together to the store. It was surely a sight, but then, Yuki is a sight even if tarred and feathered. sigh

When they finally reached the store, Tohru suddenly abandoned her wacky shuffle, told the boys she'll meet them in the dairy aisle in 10 minutes, and rushed off to get what she needed.

"What the heck's wrong with her?" Kyo muttered. "She's acting weirder than usual."

"I don't know, but we have the shopping list. So, let's get started." Yuki picked up a shopping basket.

"Aha! You wuss!" Kyo laughed as he stood behind a shopping cart, trying to intimidate the other. "Nice purse! You're going to run around like little red riding hood and...YE-OUCH!"

Kyo Sohma became the very first recorded victim of a shopping cart hit and run.

Over at the feminine supplies aisle, Tohru found what she was looking for. "Forever n' Ever Ultra thins," she read. "The very best in feminine protection. Guaranteed to allow you to wear your indecently short high school uniform skirt and skip around like a hyperactive fan girl without a worry in the world!"

Tohru smiled widely. She looked over at the type her mother

liked to buy: "Katastrophex for the rebel woman. Long, straight and slim like the baseball bat you use to smash store windows."

_Okasaan!_ Tohru wiped away a tear at remembering her

mother and ran off to make her purchase.

Meanwhile, Yuki and Kyo were at the veggie section, trying to pick out good tomatoes.

"I don't know how you buy these," Yuki mumbled, embarrassed.

"You're such a spoiled brat!" Kyo said arrogantly. "Everyone knows that you have to pick the hard ones! Like this!" With that, Kyo enthusiastically grabbed a tomato and made tomato juice.

"Really? So I'm supposed to squeeze it until it bursts?" Yuki asked sarcastically. "Impressive!"

"Shut up! It was already soft!" Kyo snapped, reached for another one and made more juice.

Yuki simply went on to get apples.

A few minutes later, Tohru had changed and met the Sohma boys at the designated meeting place.

"Oh! Thank you so much!" She squealed with delight on seeing the items in the shopping cart Kyo pushed. _Okaasan! Yuki Kun and Kyo Kun are so helpful! I'm so lucky!_

"It's not a problem, Honda San." Yuki smiled warmly, hoping that the 3 apples he picked were to her liking. After all, he could only find 3 out of the entire pile that were completely red without a single speck of yellow or brown. That was how you picked them, right? Either way, it was better than Kyo's bag of tomato juice.

Tohru put her bag down in the cart. "Ok! Lets get the rest, then!"

Kyo looked down at the bag she dropped in the cart, curious to know what Tohru had bought.

What Kyo didn't know is that curiosity killed the cat, or in other events, made a little stupid monkey famous.

Though he didn't want to die nor be famous. He just wanted to know what Tohru had bought. So he reached down to see what it was when Yuki's hand came down on his, fast and hard.

"I should expect something like that from you, you uncivilized idiot."

"Shut up! You stuck up asshole!"

"A-ano."

"Lets go, Honda San." Yuki shoved Kyo away from the cart and pushed it in his place.

Kyo wanted to rip Yuki to pieces, he wanted to break his nose, he wanted to give him an ambush make over...

But first, he would find out what Tohru had bought. Because what Yuki didn't know is that Kyo had got a good look at what was in the bag; a white package with a 'balloons, hearts and hyperactive high school girls' pattern.

It wouldn't be hard to find.

Kyo smiled widely.

Tohru giggled as she put a carton of milk in the cart. The milk reminded her of Yuki. After all, they were both white, except that Yuki was a little more rosy. Tohru had had rosy colored milk before, strawberry milk. It was pure and yummy, just like Yuki, who also liked strawberries! _Oh no!!_ She had compared Yuki to

2 milk! She was so horrible! If she had to make an analogy, Yuki certainly deserved full cream!

Kyo wandered the aisles of the supermarket, his keen eyes scanning the shelves for that package. He would find it.

Tohru skipped down the condiment aisle, happy that she was now protected and in the presence of the milky Yuki. They only needed to get eggs.

Yuki, who had been feeling useless all day, decided to help. _So, if the firmest tomatoes are the best, then I guess that goes for eggs too?_

Yuki made scrambled eggs.

Kyo was getting frustrated. He couldn't find that package. He was getting annoyed, and when he was annoyed he started to fume, and when he started to fume, he grew cat ears out of his head, which was strange because he always kept his human ears when he

grew cat ears...

Done with their shopping, but with no sign of Kyo, Yuki volunteered to go look for his cousin. He didn't really want to find Kyo. He didn't want him to see the plastic bag filled with eggs sitting side by side with the bag of tomato juice, but Honda San looked so worried and he didn't want to be anymore of an

inconvenience or an embarrassment.

By now, Kyo had reached the back of the store; the dark, unvisited by men corner that was flooded with women. Except Kyo noticed that he was the sole male in that section only when it was too late, when he found himself facing the entire "Forever n' Ever" line of products. All with same, 'happy go lucky but be dry' motif.

He reached for one of the smaller packages and read, "Forever n' Ever Ultra Tampons. The very best in feminine protection. Guaranteed to allow you to wear your indecent gravity defying anime bikinis, get wet and strike lewd poses without a worry in the world!"

"Tampon? What's that?" Kyo wondered. "Why would Tohru want to make Lewd poses? What's lewd?"

Kyo's eyes scanned the instructions for use, he then dropped the packet as if burned.

"She..she she...in ..up .inside..she...she...sh-she?!" Stupefied and horrified beyond professional help, Kyo stumbled back and hit the

shelf behind him only to be showered with what Happossai would consider blissful rain; a multitude of colorful panty packages.

"WAH! Get off me!" Kyo screamed, getting a bigger eyeful than he intended and ran off, straight into the Condom rack.

"What's this? Ribbed rubber? How would that erase anything?"

And that was where Yuki found him.

"You're such an idiot!" Yuki lambasted. "I had no idea how much of an embarrassment you could be!"

"Shut up!"

"Hey there, gorgeous." A large muscled man, apparently lost in no-man's aisle, walked up to Yuki. "Is this retard bothering ya? I don't know what kinda freak would be sittin' in a pile of condoms, but ya can do betta than him. Infact, why dontcha?" With that, the man grinned in a very scary and leery way, then reached down and gave Yuki's rear a light squeeze.

All hell broke loose.

Tohru realized that something was wrong when she heard the explosion. "Oh no! I have to get Yuki Kun and Kyo Kun! Mount Fuji has erupted!"

Then, she remembered what her mother had said. _"Tohru honey, there are no volcanoes inside grocery stores, houses or in the toilet."_

"So that must mean..."

Tohru grabbed her bag just incase and hurried over to where the commotion was. She found Yuki surrounded by a large, purple aura. It was so deep and true that had the Artist formerly known as Prince been around, he would've wanted to douse himself in it. Another attempt at trying to hide the fact that he was just a

short, strange little man.

A laughing Kyo was holding Yuki back as the fairer Sohma attempted to get back to strangling the man who had violated his sacred behind.

"Ano, Yuki Kun! Kyo Kun! What happened?" Tohru walked

up to the two.

"He.." Kyo snickered, trying to explain, "He...Hehehehehehe!"

He then realized that he was still holding the little box of 'rubbers' he had picked up earlier quite tightly, and the little round plastic packages it contained began falling out.

Explaining anything to the police was a lost cause, once Yuki stopped screaming, that is.

Finally, when Tohru's embarrassment reached its zenith, the bag she was clutching tore in her hands and its contents were displayed for all to see.

Kyo's screams joined Yuki's.

As for Hatori, for as soon as he heard about the events that lead up to the Sohma house being charged for the damages to the store, Yuki and Kyo's arrest and the threat of a juvenile criminal record for the two...

He acted.

And so, here he was, hailed as a hero. Accepting his Nobel prize for medicine.

His acceptance speech was a short one, he being a man of few words. He only said, "I certainly hope that everyone learned their lesson. There are some things you just don't squeeze."

Well said, Hatori.

May we all learn from that and carry it on to our next lives, or at least into the next 10 minutes.

The End.

Thanks to Lys for the great challenge, to Ina for her indirect inspiration, to Furubamad for proofreading and to Vidanue and Fofo for their endless praise.

Apologies to fans of Curious George and Prince.

RJunkie smiles widely cause she can't think of anything interesting to say…then turns to give her captive Yuki a squeeze


	2. Aisle 13 by Inachan

Sunday FANFIC Writing Challenge #2 (by Lyse) (sort of)

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world's many coincidental mysteries.

August 11, 2004

Aisle 13

By Ina-chan

They stood in front of it, staring at it with obvious weariness, yet at the same time watching each other from the corner of their eyes. Battle auras flared, fueled by the amused looks and uncontrollable giggles of girls passing by them. It was a stale mate. Neither boy was willing to move forward, nor back down from this daunting task.

After all, it was uncharted territory for either of them... for any member of the male gender, for that matter. The dreaded Aisle 13...

Feminine hygiene products.

"What are we doing here again?" The cat muttered under his breath

Yuki gave the other boy a flat look, "You were the one who was all gung-ho to do this."

"Guh..." Kyou froze in horror, turning a shade of red as he suddenly remembered the reason, before averting his eyes to look at something more interesting at the ceiling, "S-so you're saying that you can escape Shigure's annoying whining by yourself? No? I don't think so."

"If you say so," The other boy sighed with a satisfied smirk. He knew exactly the real reason why his cousin tagged along. While Shigure's whining may have been a part of it, when it comes to Tooru, there's no humiliation that Kyou won't face. And the cat will most especially NOT back down if it is a humiliation that Yuki was willing to take himself.

"Will you just get it over with and pick something so we can go?" Kyou hissed under his breath in annoyance

"If you think this is so easy, why don't YOU march over there and pick something yourself," Yuki shot back, unwilling to admit that he had no idea what he was supposed to be getting in the first place. It would have been so much easier if he were doing this alone and inconspicuously.

"Ara? Yun-yun? What are you doing here?" A familiar voice suddenly called out from behind them.

So much for inconspicuousness...

The rat froze in horror and unsuccessfully suppressed a dismayed groan, before forcing a smile on his lips and turning around to face the last person he wanted to meet while grocery shopping for... womanly things, "Just running some errands. What are you doing here Kakeru?"

As the saying goes...when things aren't bad enough, they get worse.

It all started when the male members of Shigure's household woke up that morning only to find that they were one flower short from their breakfast routine... not to mention that there was no breakfast made in the first place! They found their missing princess, incapacitated in bed with a lot of pain and a low grade fever due to a bad case of her... uhm... "monthly feminine condition".

Fortunately, it was Sunday. Kyou had already taken the task of taking care of all the housework for the day, Yuki had already offered to do the evening's shopping and Shigure... well... Shigure was being Shigure, which was actually the reason why there were now two teen-aged boys, awkwardly standing in front of the feminine products aisle of their local convenience store.

"Anou... I'm really fine. I could do the shopping myself," Tooru whispered, red-faced with embarrassment

"It's alright, Honda-san," Yuki replied gently, "I think I can handle it myself. You just stay home and rest."

"Ah... it's not that I don't think you could do it, Yuki-kun," Tooru stammered nervously, "...it's just that... that... uhm..."

"I see." Shigure interrupted, almost benevolently as he patted the girl's head affectionately, "You don't have to explain any more. I understand completely what you're trying to say Tooru-kun. Please forgive Yuki-kun. He's smart for some things, but he's naïve and a complete idiot when it comes to sensitive issues like this."

Yuki gave the older man a scathing glare which promised impending violence.

"No, really, Shigure-san. Yuki-kun doesn't need to go through all the trouble."

"Don't worry about anything Tooru-kun," Shigure stated with a big smile, as he quickly ushered his younger cousin out of the room before Tooru could argue any more. As soon as they were out of sight in the hallway, the novelist shook his head and gave the younger boy a berating look, "Really Yuki-kun, I would expect this from Kyou-kun. With you, I expected a little bit more sensitivity to a woman's plight."

"What the hell is the idiot talking about now?" Came Kyou's sudden remark, catching only the tail end of the conversation as the two entered the common room. The cat automatically gave the rat a suspicious glare, "You better not be upsetting Tooru when she's sick."

"Who are you to talk?" The rat countered back, "It's this idiot who just started blabbing nonsense on his own."

"Ara?" Shigure gave his cousins an incredulous look, "You mean, you two really have no idea after all this time? This is stuff that you should have learned from health class before you even reach junior high school."

"........." Yuki gave the older man a blank stare (went to an all boy's school and was sick and absent from class that day)

"Ha?" Kyou blinked (also went to an all boy's school, got into a fight and got sent home early that day)

Shigure frowned and rubbed his chin, "So who gave you your 'birds and the bees' lecture?"

"The what lecture?" Kyou glared at the older man suspiciously

"........." Yuki crossed his arms and continued to give his older cousin a bland look, "......you."

Flashback to eight years ago... a smug 19-year-old Shigure talking to a horrified 9-year-old Kyou, an ill 9-year-old Yuki, an indifferent 8-year-old Haru (actually fell asleep with his eyes open), and a missing 8-year-old Momiji (got distracted and wandered off somewhere else five minutes after Shigure started).

/"...... and that's what you should expect to happen when you start experiencing changes in your body," Shigure continued on cheerfully, before taking grave expression and a very serious tone, "And remember what I told you boys. Every time you play with yourself at night... a kitten dies."/

Flash forward to present after "birds and the bees lecture, part 2")... with a self-satisfied looking Shigure, a horrified Kyou, and an exasperated Yuki.

"Heeh... you really didn't know that?" Shigure noted with amusement, "I thought Hatori would have covered that part of the talk as well."

(Note: Hatori immediately did a proper talk, right after puzzled Kazuma reported that Kyou started to have nightmares about dead kittens.)

"You mean... once every month, a woman bleeds for a week?" Kyou stared at Shigure, wide-eyed with terror, "Won't they die?"

"That's right Kyou-kun," Shigure replied solemnly, without missing a beat, "If Tooru-kun doesn't get a supply of those womanly products... she'll die."

"Idiot," Yuki muttered under his breath as he buried his face in one hand

"What the hell are you waiting for, K'so Nezumi," Kyou glared at the rat in complete annoyance, "Get your ass off the floor and do the shopping!"

Yuki's eyes snapped open in surprise and stared at his cousin incredulously, "You really are an idiot, aren't you? You actually believe what Shigure said?"

"I'm not taking any chances!" Kyou shot back, making a determined stance, battle aura flaring, "I'm going with you to make sure you don't back out from buying what Tooru needs!"

"Thanks a lot," Yuki drawled sarcastically as he shot Shigure an annoyed look

Shigure simply gave him an innocent smile and made a cheerful wave, "Have fun, you two."

Thus, the reason why two petrified boys stood in front of the dreaded and uncharted male territory Aisle 13 to pick up the last item from their grocery list.

"Is it some kind of dare?" Manabe asked in amusement as he figured out what his student council superior was doing

"It's a favour for a friend," Yuki replied patiently, despite the embarrassed flush pooling on his face

"A 'friend'?" Manabe raised a curious eyebrow

"That's none of your business," Kyou growled gruffly, equally red-faced, "Now move along before you get hurt."

"Saa, no need to be edgy," Manabe waved his hands protectively in front of him, "I was passing by and saw you two standing there, looking kind of lost, I knew at once that there were two newbies in this particular area. I thought I would give you a hand picking out the right product, but I didn't realize that it would be Yun-yun and his hot-headed cousin."

"Wait a minute, what do you mean by helping us?" Yuki instinctively held on to an indignant Kyou's collar before the cat can pounce. He then let out a sigh, as realization hit him, "Then again, it's not really surprising that someone like you would know a lot about things like this..."

"Eh? What do you mean exactly with that tone?" Manabe cried out, shaking an accusing finger at the grey-haired boy, heavily offended by what the other boy implied

"A man knowing about... fe.. pa... these things... IT'S UNNATURAL!" Kyou shot back gruffly, feeling a little unnerved about actually agreeing about something with Yuki, "Only a pervert like Shigure would know about these things."

Manabe let out a long patient sigh, before shaking his head sympathetically as he made a beeline for Aisle 13, "Well, let me help enlighten you, so you wouldn't find yourself in an embarrassing situation like what happened to me when you get a girlfriend."

"Someone actually wants to go out with this guy?" Kyou turned to Yuki skeptically

"So it seems," Yuki muttered, before taking a deep breath and following his best friend

"What brand does your... 'FRIEND'... use?" Manabe asked nonchalantly

"How the hell should I know?" Kyou mumbled, arms wrapped protectively around himself, making extra sure that no part of his body brushed any part of the shelves and the products displayed in the aisle

"You mean you didn't bother asking?" The dark haired boy gaped at his schoolmates in shock

"We can't ask her that," Yuki hissed in pure mortification, "What's the difference anyway?"

"There's plenty of difference! You can't just pick up a random product and go. That's the first mistake I did, and boy did I pay for it! Well, might as well pick up a couple..." Manabe replied as he picked up one package after the other, dumping it on Yuki's blue plastic shopping basket, "This one's a maxi for heavy flow days, extra padded overnights for sleeping, slims for discretion, a scented version if she likes that kind of stuff, unscented if she's allergic... oh, my girlfriend likes this one with the little grooves on the edges... and these ones have wings..."

"Wings? Why the hell should women need wings for?" Kyou blurted out, his curiosity getting the better of him

Manabe shrugged nonchalantly, "To keep stains off the panties."

Both boys turned to an even deeper shade of red at the mention of the word 'panties'. Yuki instantly gave his cousin a swift kick on the shin and glared at him menacingly, "Don't ask any more stupid questions!"

"AHA! Now, these ones are SPECIAL! Make sure you take a good look at them, because they are a proof of mankind's genius," Manabe called out excitedly before Kyou could come up with a retort. The student council vice president then threw one box to each boy, who both stared at their own box oddly.

"Girl's Best Friend Tampons with Super Slim Comfort Tips?" Yuki read the label aloud

"It's small, it's discreet, woman can do any activity they want without fear," Manabe recited the commercial sales pitch before making a conspiratory laugh, "And best of all, unlike the pads, women actually put this... 'inside'..."

"In..." Yuki blinked as the makings of a censored vision slowly formed in his mind's eye

"...side" Kyou gaped in horror as his own censored vision appeared in his imagination

Yuki turned white as a sheet as the box flew out of his hands like a hot potato. Kyou, in the other hand, panicked in absolute terror, and started to run, screaming about dead kittens only to run into a stack of Kotex Maxi's (on sale) and collapse on the ground with the mother of all nosebleeds.

"Haaaaa! There's never been a day in my life since then that I didn't wish that I was a tampon," Manabe stated, ignoring the chaos he created, as he rubbed his cheek on the box he was holding... only to freeze on his tracks, as he felt a shadow looming over him. He turned around and beads of sweat started to form on his forehead instantly at what he saw, "Ara? Yun-yun? What's with the scary face?"

Meanwhile, back at Shigure's house...

"Ous! Nice to see you again, Mr. Novelist," Arisa called out with a small salute

"Sorry for the intrusion," Saki added, though her bland monotone didn't reflect her words

"Ara?" Shigure blinked at two girls and their plastic shopping bags at his doorstep.

"That's why I said Yuki-kun didn't need to go shopping," Tooru explained shamefaced, "I was talking to Hana-chan on the phone earlier this morning. She and Uo-chan already offered to do my shopping for me."

"Ahahaha! A well, que sera sera," Shigure stated cheerfully, "There's no harm done."

"I suppose not," Tooru agreed with a small laugh

"Clean up on Aisle 13..."

"Mommy! Mommy! Is that orange-haired guy dead?"

"MY GOD! He's bleeding to death! Someone call an ambulance!"

"GAAAAAH! THERE'S NO NEED FOR VIOLENCE YUN-YUN!"

".........!!!"

OWARI

Author's Squawk:

AAAR!!! RJunkie beat me with the modified version. I didn't want to sound too similar to RJunkie's fic, so I kept my. BTW, tthat was so damn hilarious! You go girl!! I most specially loved your creamy Yuki description.

I know, it's not really conforming to the original challenge since it's not Tooru buying the tampon... but what the hey! . Though, I don't feel that it's as funny as I wanted it to be because I originally intended it to be a doujinshi and depended on visual gags than actually writing them down. Ah well... maybe when I get around to drawing it, it'll be funnier. ,

Ja!  
Ina-chan


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